911? I would like to report a theft

Who the fuck came into my house and stole my body 22 years ago???
 Why do I report it now? I just walked 2 blocks. Yep. Just 2 fucking blocks.
 I did power walk for a minute and a half. The 2 blocks back were like sucking on a fish asshole. (Ok, I am only guessing on that part but it hurt like hell) I used to be able to walk from one side of Disney World to the other with no problem, while pregnant! 
By the way, grasshopper season is not a good time to take a beagle for a walk.

Just so you know... I suck at this excersizing thing. I hate it. I didn't do it from the last post till this week. I have been walking the dog. The weather has been very warm. I can only go two blocks. I would like to be able to do it twice a day, but I am not up to that point.
It's a start.